I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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