thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
