dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
