Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
