I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
