I wish my penis had an off switch
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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