I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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