I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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