So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Even my vagina gasped.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
