Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
foreskin is a definite game changer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
