i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
