That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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