we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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