The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Everclear isn't food dammit
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
