didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
