Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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