I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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