i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
