we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
