Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
