now i know why i became what i already was.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
