Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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