Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
this is an emotional support booty call
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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