I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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