Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
