i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
