hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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