apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
