In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently you make a good broom.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
