Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
