I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
