someone threw a dead crab at me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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