I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
