Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Houston, we have a blender
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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