Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
