i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When are your genitals available?
We are all done wearing pants today
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
