I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
