dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
