Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
