My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
