Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
