apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
