I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
