dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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