this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
