I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
