you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
