i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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