you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
