Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I understand Curling. That high.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
