yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
