Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
