Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
