there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
