Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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